Saraswati Puja(Vasant Panchami)

Our spring festival Vasant Pachami and yes there is a reflection in the nature. The cold starts disappearing , the flowers start blooming...

And we wonder how ages and ages back our great and learned sages calculated the dates of the season and even today its almost accurate.

As I stepped into my home on the day of Vasant Panchami when Saraswati Puja is celebrated in the Eastern states of India, the first thing I noticed are these yellow flowers blooming. I had been home(Shillong) this season after many many years however I could not partake in the celebrations because of the travel and other necessities that needed to be catered to.

But the sight of these flowers brought back memories, of childhood...

Flowers at our Shillong Home

Flowers at our Shillong Home

Saraswati, the Goddess of Learning is revered on this day. The preparations would start from a few days earlier in the neighboring lanes where an idol would be bought and a pandal set up. The children would go around houses and collect contributions which would eventually be needed for the idol, the items for decoration and the prasad.

We celebrated at home, we would fast on that day till the Puja was done. The mornings meant early bath and then decorating the Puja room with the flowers. The flowers had to be yellow or white and a the Acacia flower was bought by Baba and Bhai from outside as we did not grow that at home.

Disclaimer: This pic of the Acacia is borrowed from the internet while the flowers from home are self-clicked.

Once few of our friends also did a community Puja and we made hand written donation slips. We got Prasads contributed by our mothers and aunties as we did not have enough contribution. The fun was beyond words. Recalling those I feel how much the festivals engaged us, brought out our creativity. Children these days are glued to mobiles and TV.

The Puja preparations were done by me and Ma, and after the "Anjali" was performed, we could relish the Prasad.

This day is also the day of "Hathe Kodi", the day a child is formally initiated into education. The parents hold the child's hand and makes the child write something.

Lunch would be Khichuri and Payesh, followed by a little rest and evenings being going around in the locality and seeing all the Pandals. Little girls wearing yellow and green Sarees would be seen fluttering around. Such is the beauty of our festivals.

We never studied on Saraswati Puja, all our books and pens would be placed in the feet of the goddess and next morning we would start the day by writing the name of goddess Saraswati 108 times.

In Delhi we celebrate as well, but the joys of our childhood can perhaps not come back ever.

My story would be incomplete if I did not mention the Saraswati Puja in Bangalore. There were two students from Silchar, Assam who  lived in a rented accomodation near college. They also had a cook who was from Silchar and on the day of the Saraswati, all the teachers and most of the friends would be invited and special Khichuri and Payesh would be served. I never went to college on that day and spent the entire day in their place, helping in the preparations and later serving.

Such joy! Such spirit! May it live!

Saraswati idol at Delhi

Stitching the fabric of time

I have so many jumbled thoughts as I pen this...the words are just not flowing right. I am trying to recall exactly when I started embroidery. Ma use to do it always and our house has multiple marks of those, her drawings and her embroidery.

I picked up some, not drawing though! So winter holidays meant pampering Ma to get me threads and needles, wool balls and clothes. Every holiday it would be something different.

But studies, education and other priorities took over. And this hobby went for a toss. But I picked up a table cloth to brush up those skills and also to relive some of those old memories.

Ma, I did something after all these years. It's not come out the way I wanted it nor is it spotless but I just wanted to do it.

Who would have loved it more than you, to see a completed work?

Bijoya Dashami

This morning my Facebook wall and my whatsapp have been filled with Bijoya Dashami and Dussehra wishes I just but can't help going back to last year. Would I know that would be Ma's last?

Ma was hospitalized in September and though we didn't know we could celebrate Durga Puja, we did! but unfortunately on Dashami morning I showed my tantrums with Ma over a very small thing which I could have easily avoided. And since the morning I have been remembering that day and how she said she didn't mean to hurt me. Baba had also explained later that at this age she could miss something and there was no reason for me to erupt.

She fell ill just before Diwali and she did not live till the end of the year. 

Will she know somehow that our tantrums, our anger are always for the closest people in our lives? With them we know we can be just us, we can say and do the way it is in our hearts? Only if they stayed with us for ever...

Evenings

As the sun was setting this evening
The day light getting dim...
I and little brother sitting and talking...
Knowing that it's evening, knowing that the day is almost done.

My mind took me to years back...evenings when
Me and my little brother would be back from our games
Waiting for the gate to open...
Knowing that Ma and Pa will be now be home
Knowing that supper would be ready soon...
Knowing that the day is almost done...

And my eyes almost dropped a tear...
Knowing that those days are days of past
And just then like nature answered me right there and then
Enters Pa like he always does
And I smiled and suppressed a tear...
Ma must be here, right here somewhere too

Home & Ma

This was the first time that I was coming home knowing that I won’t find Ma here and will never find her here anymore. Well, last year I was here at around the same time and Ma was in Delhi and we would talk but not anymore.

When Baba opened the doors there was so much pain in him and it’s hard to describe it  but to me it was like a regret of having taken them to Delhi and not to bring her back, not giving her the chance to see her home. I had my reasons and I would never know that it would be her last.

I have been away from home since 1998, almost 20 years now and have come home once or twice a day for two weeks or so. And then she would keep my clothes, slippers ready every time. Our home coming meant a lot for her always, she would be happy. We would talk and then food would follow. This time though, I had to look for my clothes and slippers and knowing that it will be like this from now on.

So one day the maid did not turn up and I was wondering how to wash all these clothes when Baba asked me to use the washing machine. So I did and remembered that it is Ma who came to my rescue; this washing machine was her farewell gift from work!

The next day the maid asked if we had ‘Neel’, the cloth whitener and I promptly said no. It has been way too long we have forgotten the use of Neel and though Ma used it all the time it never was my job! So I looked at another container and yes it was there. The maid was happy and I was left wondering at life, the stuff we accumulate over the years, the stuff that becomes part of our daily lives, one day we leave these all and just go.

It pains more to see Baba do all the household chores with the same level of duty as he always did. I tend to give up but his life is a lesson. Tirelessly he dried the clothes last evening, went to get the broken utensil fixed and ensured all bank jobs were done.

And as I washed and re-arranged the curtains I almost expected Ma to come and say ‘Oh you changed this, you replaced that…’ I look for approval but from where?

Her Sarees…she needed those for work just as I buy dresses because I get bored. She was a working woman and over the years has accumulated lots. Seeing them lying nicely sorted, ironed gives me goosebumps…I just can’t believe that she will not touch these any more. And more so, I am not sure how many we will wear over the years given that we don’t really wear Sarees these days.

As I browse through very old items which obviously needs to be discarded and I have done that in the past, and with ease, but now the thought of a memory attached to it comes to mind.  And I take a step back and think maybe next time!

On both the Thursdays I read the ‘Panchali’, every word I read was effortless, since those words were like ringing in my ears the way Ma read it and as though I had memorized those. Climbing up and down the stairs gives me a sudden jolt, that feeling that she won’t be here anymore but is she watching?

There is a ‘mura’ in the kitchen where she used to sit and have her tea, or cut the vegetables or make the rotis in the stove. Seems like there is no kerosene supply these days and the stove will soon be gone...but memories will stay!

Home and its flowers...every morning she woke up to pluck the flowers for Puja. Baba did it this time, it was painful to see this but life must go on

Eco Challenge

Our organisation has initiated an Eco Challenge encouraging people to adopt a healthy life style and hence contributing to the environment.

And we have started participating as a team, we have selected certain daily chores which we have resolved to accomplish.

The challenges are in all categories from healthy living to mindful eating, less screen time and more time outdoors.

We are all following it to the core and enjoying it. And what we last Friday brought everyone a happy smile.

We decided to dine on fruits and salads and the whole team was game for it. We chose an outdoor location and had our lunch in much peace! For the coming week we plan to do something similar, we are all excited!

And though this challenge is for 10 days only, some of us would have developed a habit by the end of it!

Let's do our bit.

Every thing that lies here and there

Every thing that lies here and there has got her touch and feel in it, and this is in our Delhi home. We have not been to our Shillong home yet and that will be a task!

The book shelf that she had arranged remains the same, I am still not getting the courage to dust it leave aside doing anything different to the existing arrangement.

Today I threw a mouth gel with so much pain, some of her clothes I had already given away! Some of her face creams and her nail polishes stay...these are mine, very much mine.

But the stuff that has to stay will stay, her Sarees and her Shawls, her Sandals. I have started wearing them not that I didn't wear when she was there.

Some questions come to mind, never to be answered...the circle of birth and death will never be understood. All her possessions stay here and hits the mind in a way that is not easy to be explained.

I want to speak to her, feel her, and let her know how much more I would have loved to give her what she loved.