The Final Journey

Human birth and death are phases that are not only unpredictable, these bring changes to the family, bring about learning and acceptance. While the former brings joy & hope, the latter leaves us shattered and in pain.

In Hinduism there are specific rituals that are followed in both of these times, and all these have a deeper meaning and significance. Why I have chosen to write on the latter I am not sure; it's probably to assure the self that this is the way of the world, the way of life and death.

The journey to the other world is mysterious and Hinduism has well defined norms to allow space for your own kind of interpretation. Some who are near to the end may themselves have a sense of realization that their journey on the earth is but a matter of time. I remember my own grandfather in his last moments, in a state of semi consciousness, folded his legs in an 'asana' like posture and indicated that the photo of his Guruji be brought near him. His hands were then folded and he indicated all the threads on his hand and waist to be cut. This indicated detachment from all earthly materials, to leave everything behind and leave in the same manner one had arrived.

Once the souls leaves the body, it is free however the body is treated with respect. The send-off happens after providing a bath and making the departed body adorn new clothes. It is a formal good bye with wishes for the next journey, in all finery.

The mourning period varies, it's from 11 to 13 depending on different customs in different parts of India. The mourning period for the immediate family lasts up-to one year in certain parts of the country during which the family does not participate in any religious ceremonies.

During the first 11 or 13 days, the family of the departed eat one plane food. The person who performs the main rituals cooks his own food and eats only once a day. The reason for plain foods is not only to pay respect to the departed but also ensure that the nerves stay calm during this tragic period.

Per ritual, the family is not supposed to light the kitchen fire during the mourning period and the food is usually provided by neighbors and relatives.

There is a belief that the soul does not usually leave the surroundings till the Shradda ceremony is performed.  Ceremonies are performed on the 4th, 11th or 13th days to enable the journey of the soul to the next stage.

Crows are fed daily on these days as the Hindus believe that by feeding the crows, the soul of the departed is also being fed. Crows are believed to be the messengers between this world and the other world. It is generally a practice to go and check if the crow has had the offering as this symbolises that the ancestors have accepted the offerings. This process is called 'Pinda-dan'. Pinda is a ball of cooked rice and 'Pinda-da' ensures that the soul of the deceased is not in hunger or thirst.

There are stories where someone has forgotten to feed the crow on a particular day and then he or his family member has been reminded of the miss, either in a dream or a vision.

There are annual rites that are performed and food offered symbolically to the departed souls. This is a way to pay respect to the ancestors.

During the mourning period, the family does not perform or attend any religious ceremonies. They do not enter religious shrines, or attend any social functions like birthdays or marriages.

The intense mourning period provides the opportunity to express one's grief rather than suppressing the same. Most of the rituals that are performed is to encourage the free flow of emotions. Feelings that remain unexpressed are usually harmful to the body and the mind.

During the Shraddha ceremony, food and other items of daily use are provided as a symbol of sustenance for the journey of the departed.

On the event of the one-year anniversary, prayers and other rituals take place in memory of the departed. The date is not the date on the English calendar but is the 'tithi' as prescribed by the 'Panchang'.

The ashes are finally immersed in the Ganges or any other holy river, indicating the oneness of the souls with the elements. The air that leaves the body merges with the sky, the body becomes part of the earth and the water. Full circle.

Thus Hinduism through these rituals protects the basic essence of life, promotes feel flow of emotions and provides psychological healing to the family and friends of the departed! The rituals are no doubt a way of life.

A Shirdi Experience

I have been following Sai Baba since a long time now and had many personal experiences at different points in time. I have spoken about these in select groups from time to time but this is the first time I am writing one down.

The most vivid experience I had was back in 2007 I believe when we were returning to Delhi after our Shirdi visit. The trip was eventful and all of us were in a state of bliss and relaxation. Our group was singing Bhajans while waiting to reach the destination back home.

Just then a group of Hijras got in, it was some place before Ghaziabad, and they started demanding money. The group gave them may be a notes of 10 or 20 Rs but it was obvious that they were not satisfied and they started using abusive language. Till this day I don't know what they had said but our group was visibly upset and it seemed like all the good feelings after the blissful trip were erased with a single stroke of careless words.

Within the span of less than a minute, a beggar appeared out of nowhere and he sat in the passage between compartments waiting for alms. He was facing the passage and his side face was visible to us. It was obvious that he could not walk. I will not be exaggerating if I say that his posture, his face and the orange patka he wore on his head resembled Sai baba to the core. And this is the posture I am talking about, only that the side face was visible.

I think I instantly said 'inko do' (give to him) to lift ourselves up from that wretched mood where we fell into within seconds.  All of us dug into our pockets and purses and gave him what we could. And then he left in a few seconds and while we tried to understand what had happened he was just gone, gone from the nearby compartments as well. The train  was moving, he did not have legs to walk, then where did he vanish in such quick time...we looked at each other for answers, with tears in our eyes.

Till this day it gives me goosebumps to narrate this story but I know whoever he was, he lifted us and made us forget those cruel words. He also gave us a reason to believe in the existence of the unknown.

Faith!

Eating with Hands

The other day I happened to have dinner with a Punjabi family. And at the table Aunty encouraged us to have the food with our hands. This was most appropriate as food never tastes so good when we use a spoon and fork. I was quick to grab the opportunity. It also came as a surprise because years of living in Delhi have got me into the belief that Delhites live in a world of show and may be even eat samosas with forks and knives. But not only was Aunty's cooking awesome, I am kind of trying to make a resolve not to feel awkward having food with hands in public. At home using a spoon would make us a laughing stock anyway.

This made me remember my Nandos experience in London where eating with hands was encouraged as this meant less use of cutlery, leading to need less use of water for cleaning the utensils etc.

The real taste of food can only be felt by licking the fingers, no wonder we say 'finger-licking'. I have always enjoyed licking the remnants of the sweet curd on earthen pots. This was kind of a ritual every Sunday many years ago. I also particularly enjoy finger licking the remnants of any sweet dish after all the content has been transferred to a bowl.

If we go deeper into the science and the health benefits, we would know that when we use our fingers, our system releases digestive juices and enzymes which aids in overall digestion process. Also according to Ayurveda, eating with fingers stimulates all the elements which naturally aids in the all round development of the body. Eating with the hands creates awareness as we feel and relish the food. We not only feel the warmth of the food but the body also knows now what to expect.

Going back to traditions, we would be served food in banana or palm leaves during festivals. These were so economical when we think about them now, not only could you dispose them easily, there was no labour involved in cleaning the cutlery, no wastage of water and no worrying if these plates were degradable or if we were consuming chemicals along with food.

Going back traditional is not only the most logical thing to do now but it is also scientific. So we need not be suddenly conscious of our environment on certain occasions if we can inculcate these habits back in our daily lives.

Akshardham Temple, New Delhi

My second visit to the Akshardham Temple after more than 10 years. It remains a wonder to the eye as it was when it was newly constructed.

I frowned that they did not let our mobile with us, the fact that the beauty and the grandeur of the place could not be captured.

But trust me it's not all that bad without the camera or the mobile. You see the people thronging there, you notice the diverse population that flocks in there, you understand how rich our culture is, how varied our interests are, how much pride we take in knowing our temples, you almost don't miss the camera and you don't care that the selfie was not taken.

The peace, the calm is beyond words and to add to that the absolute cleanliness which adds to the overall charm. You could keep walking or you could rest and reflect.

The shows are an absolute pleasure for both the young and the old, we show the world that we lead  both in technology and in spiritual progress.

The boat ride is an absolute must, it's like a fast track rewind of what we were and where we are. We led in every socio, economic or scientific fields.

The laser show was a delight, it was beyond beautiful. I don't know when they started doing this but during my visit in 2006, we missed the light show because of our time constraints. I hope by doing these shows, they keep telling this generation the value of our own tradition and how we must feel blessed to be born in this sacred land.

Beautiful you, in and out!

We called you Apple Pishi, and people were confused! Why? What's in that name?

Well you bought us Apples all the time you visited us when we were children, we as in, me and my brother! And that name has stuck with us since then and will stay with us forever.

One week since you are gone, and it seems like a bad dream that you are no more. It seems like impossible that in our next visits to home, there won't be you to visit, a warm hug in waiting.

I saw you in January, and just two months had passed and you left us all. On the one hand I feel blessed to have met you really recently, to have the memories of that day fresh in my mind, to know that I caused you to smile; on the other hand I will regret that I called you but once in these two months and not managed to talk as you were asleep. We get so busy in our daily lives that we often forget that someone may just be waiting for a simple hello.

You have been one who has always inspired and motivated, you have never questioned any of my personal decisions and always encouraged me to be happy, be my own and live my dreams.

Your warm hug is always so close to my heart, always will be! Much as the simple life you lived, you left this world simply, without bothering anyone much and in all your grace.

You have been very close to Ma, and she found such solace in you. After her you told me you have  dreamed of her and remembered your days together. Somewhere in some world I hope you are together again! Love you always!

Saraswati Puja(Vasant Panchami)

Our spring festival Vasant Pachami and yes there is a reflection in the nature. The cold starts disappearing , the flowers start blooming...

And we wonder how ages and ages back our great and learned sages calculated the dates of the season and even today its almost accurate.

As I stepped into my home on the day of Vasant Panchami when Saraswati Puja is celebrated in the Eastern states of India, the first thing I noticed are these yellow flowers blooming. I had been home(Shillong) this season after many many years however I could not partake in the celebrations because of the travel and other necessities that needed to be catered to.

But the sight of these flowers brought back memories, of childhood...

Flowers at our Shillong Home

Flowers at our Shillong Home

Saraswati, the Goddess of Learning is revered on this day. The preparations would start from a few days earlier in the neighboring lanes where an idol would be bought and a pandal set up. The children would go around houses and collect contributions which would eventually be needed for the idol, the items for decoration and the prasad.

We celebrated at home, we would fast on that day till the Puja was done. The mornings meant early bath and then decorating the Puja room with the flowers. The flowers had to be yellow or white and a the Acacia flower was bought by Baba and Bhai from outside as we did not grow that at home.

Disclaimer: This pic of the Acacia is borrowed from the internet while the flowers from home are self-clicked.

Once few of our friends also did a community Puja and we made hand written donation slips. We got Prasads contributed by our mothers and aunties as we did not have enough contribution. The fun was beyond words. Recalling those I feel how much the festivals engaged us, brought out our creativity. Children these days are glued to mobiles and TV.

The Puja preparations were done by me and Ma, and after the "Anjali" was performed, we could relish the Prasad.

This day is also the day of "Hathe Kodi", the day a child is formally initiated into education. The parents hold the child's hand and makes the child write something.

Lunch would be Khichuri and Payesh, followed by a little rest and evenings being going around in the locality and seeing all the Pandals. Little girls wearing yellow and green Sarees would be seen fluttering around. Such is the beauty of our festivals.

We never studied on Saraswati Puja, all our books and pens would be placed in the feet of the goddess and next morning we would start the day by writing the name of goddess Saraswati 108 times.

In Delhi we celebrate as well, but the joys of our childhood can perhaps not come back ever.

My story would be incomplete if I did not mention the Saraswati Puja in Bangalore. There were two students from Silchar, Assam who  lived in a rented accomodation near college. They also had a cook who was from Silchar and on the day of the Saraswati, all the teachers and most of the friends would be invited and special Khichuri and Payesh would be served. I never went to college on that day and spent the entire day in their place, helping in the preparations and later serving.

Such joy! Such spirit! May it live!

Saraswati idol at Delhi

Stitching the fabric of time

I have so many jumbled thoughts as I pen this...the words are just not flowing right. I am trying to recall exactly when I started embroidery. Ma use to do it always and our house has multiple marks of those, her drawings and her embroidery.

I picked up some, not drawing though! So winter holidays meant pampering Ma to get me threads and needles, wool balls and clothes. Every holiday it would be something different.

But studies, education and other priorities took over. And this hobby went for a toss. But I picked up a table cloth to brush up those skills and also to relive some of those old memories.

Ma, I did something after all these years. It's not come out the way I wanted it nor is it spotless but I just wanted to do it.

Who would have loved it more than you, to see a completed work?