Bijoya Dashami

This morning my Facebook wall and my whatsapp have been filled with Bijoya Dashami and Dussehra wishes I just but can't help going back to last year. Would I know that would be Ma's last?

Ma was hospitalized in September and though we didn't know we could celebrate Durga Puja, we did! but unfortunately on Dashami morning I showed my tantrums with Ma over a very small thing which I could have easily avoided. And since the morning I have been remembering that day and how she said she didn't mean to hurt me. Baba had also explained later that at this age she could miss something and there was no reason for me to erupt.

She fell ill just before Diwali and she did not live till the end of the year. 

Will she know somehow that our tantrums, our anger are always for the closest people in our lives? With them we know we can be just us, we can say and do the way it is in our hearts? Only if they stayed with us for ever...

Mahalaya

Today brings back many memories...Mahalaya marks the beginning of  Durga Puja. The feeling in the air is of happiness, of excitement, of family love and more.

The childhood memories are very fresh, Ma and Baba waking up at 4 am and tuning the radio on. And then sitting together with tea and biscuits and listening to the timeless voice of Birendra Bhadra.

This has been a routine, a ritual of sorts for all these years. Even when we have stayed away from Ma and Baba, we were sure to receive a wake up call from them.

Tuning in to the radio, and in later years TV and let that recitation flow through almost the rest of the day is something we cannot do without.

This year has been little different, this year Ma is not with us on this day. We did not wake up at 4 am, or may be my brother did(even though he is not well). Baba who used to be the most excited did not bother this time, he is missing Ma for sure. We are not celebrating this year but the memories will stay.

Ya devi sarvabhuteshu Vishnu-mayeti sadbita
Namas tasyai, Namas tasyai, Namas tasyai namo namah.
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu buddhi - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu nidra - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu ksudha - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu chhaya - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu shakti - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu trisna - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu ksanti - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu lajja - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu shanti - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu Sraddha - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu kanti - rupena samsthita, namas tasyai … … …
Ya devi sarvabhuteshu lakshmi - rupena samsthita, namas tasya

Evenings

As the sun was setting this evening
The day light getting dim...
I and little brother sitting and talking...
Knowing that it's evening, knowing that the day is almost done.

My mind took me to years back...evenings when
Me and my little brother would be back from our games
Waiting for the gate to open...
Knowing that Ma and Pa will be now be home
Knowing that supper would be ready soon...
Knowing that the day is almost done...

And my eyes almost dropped a tear...
Knowing that those days are days of past
And just then like nature answered me right there and then
Enters Pa like he always does
And I smiled and suppressed a tear...
Ma must be here, right here somewhere too