Our never ending wishes, our happiness in owning and our never ending desires. Yes, life is such. And one day we leave it all and just leave. Who knows where we go...
Looking at Ma's clothes brings a kind of pain that is difficult to put in words, I have started sorting it out which is a bigger pain. No, I can't pretend not to notice, and I don't want to postpone either!
She loved sarees and over her lifetime had accumulated many. Each of these has some or the other memory associated. She would always wonder about their fate as I don't wear Sarees too often even though I love wearing them. But it was not too bad as every time I went home I would pick one of her sarees and bring it with me to wear. And that had started long back, from my college days. When I was in hostel I would take one during each visit, wear it on some occasion and bring it back home the next time and take another.
Recently I started collecting my own sarees, and she loved to see me in Sarees. I had told her I will make Salwar suits out of some of her Sarees and she was pleased. How many of these I will wear I don't know but seeing these makes me smile and cry at the same time. She loved the the latest Saree that I had bought but unfortunately I have not worn it yet. I meant to wear at a wedding but dumped it for a suit. The next day she felt sick, these unrelated logic and connections will haunt me for don't know how long!
Last year I got one for her from Jaipur and did not tell her. I wanted it to be a surprise. She was in our hometown Shillong and I was in Delhi. I did ask her what she wanted as she always said that she had too many. So I asked her what else she needed and she asked me for bed sheets and bed covers which I did. She liked those but deep in her heart she longed for a Saree and she said that she should have told me to get one from Jaipur, I smiled at her childlike innocence and smiled because I was sending it anyway. She wore it during Durga puja and yes she loved it, The bed sheets and the bed covers are still unused, we had some renovation work then and my heart cries out to think of the day we will use those bed sheets.
I tried something, I know she would have approved! I...actually I should say 'We'...as in the entire family..me, .my Baba, brother and sis-in-law picked some of her sarees and gave it to the people who mattered a lot to her, who matter a lot to us and she mattered a lot to them. These people have accepted with all grace and taken it as a blessing, as a keepsake.
And I will not distinguish which was hers and which mine, I will wear when I can to feel the arms around me.
Some of her old clothes will be given to the needy, I am selfish to give only the old. I don't want to let her memory go, I do want to see them and feel them and remember her.
Makes me think if I really need to purchase stuff for the heck of it, for a birthday or for some festive season, may be I should start thinking and doing in a different way...spend where it is needed and touch the life of some. But at the end I am my mother's daughter and I might just keep adding to my wardrobe.
Looking at Ma's clothes brings a kind of pain that is difficult to put in words, I have started sorting it out which is a bigger pain. No, I can't pretend not to notice, and I don't want to postpone either!
She loved sarees and over her lifetime had accumulated many. Each of these has some or the other memory associated. She would always wonder about their fate as I don't wear Sarees too often even though I love wearing them. But it was not too bad as every time I went home I would pick one of her sarees and bring it with me to wear. And that had started long back, from my college days. When I was in hostel I would take one during each visit, wear it on some occasion and bring it back home the next time and take another.
Recently I started collecting my own sarees, and she loved to see me in Sarees. I had told her I will make Salwar suits out of some of her Sarees and she was pleased. How many of these I will wear I don't know but seeing these makes me smile and cry at the same time. She loved the the latest Saree that I had bought but unfortunately I have not worn it yet. I meant to wear at a wedding but dumped it for a suit. The next day she felt sick, these unrelated logic and connections will haunt me for don't know how long!
Last year I got one for her from Jaipur and did not tell her. I wanted it to be a surprise. She was in our hometown Shillong and I was in Delhi. I did ask her what she wanted as she always said that she had too many. So I asked her what else she needed and she asked me for bed sheets and bed covers which I did. She liked those but deep in her heart she longed for a Saree and she said that she should have told me to get one from Jaipur, I smiled at her childlike innocence and smiled because I was sending it anyway. She wore it during Durga puja and yes she loved it, The bed sheets and the bed covers are still unused, we had some renovation work then and my heart cries out to think of the day we will use those bed sheets.
I tried something, I know she would have approved! I...actually I should say 'We'...as in the entire family..me, .my Baba, brother and sis-in-law picked some of her sarees and gave it to the people who mattered a lot to her, who matter a lot to us and she mattered a lot to them. These people have accepted with all grace and taken it as a blessing, as a keepsake.
And I will not distinguish which was hers and which mine, I will wear when I can to feel the arms around me.
Some of her old clothes will be given to the needy, I am selfish to give only the old. I don't want to let her memory go, I do want to see them and feel them and remember her.
Makes me think if I really need to purchase stuff for the heck of it, for a birthday or for some festive season, may be I should start thinking and doing in a different way...spend where it is needed and touch the life of some. But at the end I am my mother's daughter and I might just keep adding to my wardrobe.
...can totally relate to it!
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